Choose Your Own Torchwood

 "It's not Red Doors, it's Yvonne! She's totally evil!"  You punch Jack out. Doesn't seem like there's rhyme or reason to any of this.  Maybe you should go back a bit and think things over. 

You get into your car with Orr and drive to city hall while Colchester and Jack stay at the hub to document Yvonne's newly found corpse.  Stepping out of the car, you encounter Tyler, standing outside of the hall wreckage with Ro-Jedda. "Ms. Cooper." Ro-Jedda says. "Gwen!" Tyler greets you. "Hi." you comment. "Was this red doors, or?" "Actually," Tyler says, "I'm not supposed to tell you, but looks like the Sorvix are actually responsible. You see, it was actually Yvonne who planted the bombs with the help of The Sorvix in order to gain power and kick out Jack." "Wow." Orr says. "Spoilers!" "Yeah, I know!" Tyler comments. "How dare you tell them this! I am very angry and am going to eat people." Ro-Jedda says. "Ha ha, she's kidding," Tyler says, before Ro-Jedda eats him alive. A. Be Eaten Alive By Ro-Jedda B. Betray Humanity to the Sorvix

 

 "NO!" Screams the red doors man as you close the door on him and flip him off.  This was the correct thing to do.  A. Continue the Plot as Normal and go to City Hall B. Turn into a goddamn chicken 

 Although you kill PC Owen, you are quickly gunned down. Kill streak: 2 restart

 "Jack, there's a man in Yvonne's truck, what the fuck man," Orr yells.  "I can explain!" said Jack, not explaining.  "Wow, it's almost like the rest of the story is going to play out like the original story." Colchester remarked. "That story is really good." Yvonne said. "Maybe they should stop reading this and start listening to Poker Face instead?!"  "Wow, that's a great idea," said literally everyone A. Listen to Poker Face this very instant, motherfucker CONGRATULATIONS! You have reached the best ending! It is called the listen to Poker Face this very instant

 You enter Yvonne's cell.  "Hello, Ms. Cooper. I need to warn you. There's a man in my trunk, a red doors operative, and he'll tell you that Jack is actually a super evil terrorist and he has actual proof man" Yvonne said. "Oh, wow."  "So, maybe you should, like, do something about it and put me in charge like I originally wanted? A. Put Yvonne In Charge

 "Wow, bruh! Humanity straight up sucks, bro!" You shriek at the top of your lungs. "I'd rather inform Ro-Jedda of the weaknesses in the fabric of the Cardiff rift so she can bring in an invasion force!"  "Wow, thanks." Ro-Jedda says, now aware of how to conquer the world.  "What the fuck, gwen," says Orr, before she gets eaten alive by Ro-Jedda.  "Yay. Now we are the co-dictators of the world!" screams Ro-Jedda.  CONGRATULATIONS! You own the world! Seems like a good ending to me!  You'd be crazy to try and restart, but here's a way! 

You get into your car with Orr and drive to city hall while Colchester and Jack stay at the hub to interrogate Yvonne. Stepping out of the car, you encounter Tyler, standing outside of the hall wreckage with Ro-Jedda. "Ms. Cooper." Ro-Jedda says. "Gwen!" Tyler greets you. "Hi." you comment. "Was this red doors, or?"  "Actually," Tyler says, "I'm not supposed to tell you, but looks like the Sorvix are actually responsible. You see, it was actually Yvonne who planted the bombs with the help of The Sorvix in order to gain power and kick out Jack." "Wow." Orr says. "Spoilers!" "Yeah, I know!" Tyler comments.  "How dare you tell them this! I am very angry and am going to eat people." Ro-Jedda says.  "Ha ha, she's kidding," Tyler says, before Ro-Jedda eats him alive. A. Be Eaten Alive By Ro-Jedda B. Betray Humanity to the Sorvix

 You and Orr drive back to the hub. "Yvonne, you tit!" You yell.  "What?" asks Colchester, who is making tea, confused.  "She's the one planting the bombs!"  Yvonne drops the tea cup Colchester is handing her. "Aw, drat." She mutters. 'I guess the story of Poker Face can't continue now, can it?"  "Not unless something really unexpected happens, no." Colchester grunts. Yvonne turns into a giant pokemon dragon.  You are eaten alive.  CONGRATULATIONS! You have successfully broken the fabric of storytelling and completed the chaos route. 

 "Yvonne?" Ro Jedda comments, still chewing Tyler. "I think I've heard of her. Is that the blonde lady that hid explosives everywhere in a diabolical plot to blame Jack Harkness and remove him from power in Torchwood?" A. Oops! You've figured out the plot of Poker Face too early. Guess you should go back and stop Yvonne from taking over Torchwood when she's the one that's been planting the bombs!

 Ro-Jedda eats you alive.  Restart

 You get into your car with Orr and drive to city hall while Colchester and Yvonne stay at the hub to interrogate Jack.  Stepping out of the car, you encounter Tyler, standing outside of the hall wreckage with Ro-Jedda.  "Ms. Cooper." Ro-Jedda says. "Gwen!" Tyler greets you. "Hi." you comment. "Was this red doors, or?"  "I am very angry and am going to eat people." Ro-Jedda says.  "Ha ha, she's kidding," Tyler says, before Ro-Jedda eats him alive.  A. Be Eaten Alive By Ro-Jedda B. Question her about Yvonne

 You step outside of the interrogation room, and walk over to Orr, and have sex.  You then walk over to Yvonne and have sex.  You then walk over to Colchester, and he's gay so he won't bang you, but Orr turns into Colchester and you have sex You open the rift and step into it, allowing the rift energies of cardiff to turn you into a hermaphrodite sex god that has sex with everything alive at once.  You have completed the sex route.  I can't believe I fucking wrote this.  Restart

"Okay!" Jack says happily. You get on top of him and the banana goes in the donut and why why did i write this why am i alive A. Full Sex Route B. Continue with normal story

 You go into the cell to interrogate Jack. "I can't believe you're doing this, Gwen. Yvonne is a evil lady." Jack insists.  A. Interrogate Jack on information to stop the Red Doors B. Fuck Jack

There are some things even I will not allow you to do. Sorry.  I'm not even going to tell you to go back to the start. Don't. Please, don't, if you thought this was a logical option. Do not fuck racist people.  

You unlock the truck to find a screaming red doors operative.  What do you do?  A. Fuck The Red Doors Operative B. Flip him off and Close The Trunk Door Again on him 

 You bash Colchester and Orr's heads together, and shoot them.  "GWEN! OH MY GOD!" screams Jack, before you walk over to the Rift manipulator and switch it off, allowing the Rift to expand, killing not only all of Cardiff, but the entire known universe. Huh.  Your kill streak was  7.594 billion and that's just the numbers from 2018. You even killed Jack Harkness, sucking him into the endless void of the rift where even people who's life is a fixed point in time cannot prosper.  There is no better genocide route. 

You get out of your car and walk into the Hub. Inside, Jack is standing dumbfounded and Colchester and Orr are screaming at him. "You joined Red Doors! They're racist terrorists!" Screams Colchester. "Yeah, what the fuck, man!" Says Orr, who for some reason looks and sounds like Samuel L Jackson. Evidently someone in the room is attracted to him. "Guys, Guys, I can explain!" Says Jack, not explaining. "What's going on here," you ask. "Jack was handing out weapons to the protesters yesterday!" Orr yells. "He's been supporting Red Doors this entire time!" "What, is this true?" "Completely," Colchester confirms. "Well, what are you gonna do about it?" Jack says snootily. "Fire me?"  "No, let's bury him alive. Thats worked before." You comment. "Ms. Cooper, are you sure you're alright?" Colchester asks. "Maybe you should go back home, take a brea

 You drive over to Ritz Tower. "Hello there!" Says Bilis Manger, before you shoot him in the head.  You walk up to the Colchester's apartment. "Gwen! What are you doing here?" Colin asks, and you shoot him too.  You exit Ritz Tower, and get back in your car.  You drive to City Hall, and walk into Ro-Jedda's office. "Mrs. Cooper, if I recall correctly?" She asks.  You shoot her at least 50 times for her to die properly.  You sit back down in her chair, and call the Sorvix airship, and impersonate Ro-Jedda. "Hello, Sorvix Captain. This is Ro-Jedda. Bombard the City. Leave no survivors."  The Sorvix are fooled. You sit down, and relax, looking out the window, as alien bombs fall onto Cardiff, causing a Nuclear level detonation. Your Kill Streak is  459,000 , an estimation based on a population census from 2011 combined with another from 2014, accounting for the loss of life of Cardiff in the Doctor Who universe. If you wanted to kill people,

 You shoot Andy in the chest, and he dies before the other police officers gun you down. Your kill streak is three. Pretty impressive, but if you were aiming to kill everybody, there are different options. Also, I really don't condone them.  You're dead. start over. 

 "PUT THE GUN DOWN!" Andy yells.  You reach down to put down the gun, but Andy mistakes your gesture and shoots you in the chest. This is the second murder he's commited in two days. If you were alive, you'd be paying his therapy bills.  You're Dead. Start Over.

"I wasn't kidding," you say, "I really killed my husband, chopped him up. Put him in a blender and then sent it off to the landfill." "Um. Okay. Thank you for your honesty. Your trial's next month."  "I'll be pleading guilty." You respond. You have now confessed in front of a Police Officer and Surrendered to the Force after a severe unprovoked murder. If you're going to commit terrible crimes, I admire that you own up to them, but at the same time, I mean, you could have just not done them? Do you really hate Rhys that much?

 "I wasn't kidding," you say, when you're done with your graphic lesbian sex. "Um, what?" "No, I killed my husband, chopped him up. Put him in a blender and then sent it off to the landfill."  PC Owen stares at you. "...Okay... Um... .This is awkward.?"  You have now confessed in front of a Police Officer and Surrendered to the Force after a severe unprovoked murder.  If you're going to commit terrible crimes, I admire that you own up to them, but at the same time, I mean, you could have just not done them? Do you really hate Rhys that much? 

 WHAT THE HELL? Why Why would you be doing these things? You could be playing like, GTA or Postal 2 or something.  Fine, fine. Who am I to stop you?  You take her gun off of the counter and blast PC Owen to bits.  Hundreds of Police suddenly burst into the room, even Andy Davidson. You thought he wasn't even here right now.  A. Kill Andy B. Surrender

 PC Owen is so confused that when you plant one on her, she basically says, "alright," and you go for it. Congratulations on having graphic lesbian sex.  Are you still going to kill her, or surrender for that murder thing?  A. Kill Her Anyway B. Surrender

 You drive to the police station, running over several innocent pedestrians, who all die.  You walk in.  "Hi." You say to the woman at the desk. Her name is PC Nicki Owen. You worked together on the Empty Hand case with Andy and the Murder and all that. As a matter of fact, Andy's not even here right now. "Hi, I'm Gwen Cooper." You smile at PC Owen. "Or, actually, I'm an alien inpersonating her with psychic powers! I'm here to turn myself in for the violent murder of my human husband, Rhys Williams."  PC Owen stares at you.  "Come again?" She asks. What Do You Do?  A. Grab Her Gun and Cause A Shootout in the middle of a police station B. Surrender C. Make Out with Her

 Does exactly what it says on the tin. You stand still until you die of dehydration and starvation and general stuff.  Why. Why though.  Go back to the start, and perhaps don't be as weird?  OKAY?

 Well, you've just killed Rhys. Cool, whatever. You monster.  You may as well get away with it, so you go to the Kitchen, grab a knife, and chop him up into real tiny pieces.  You can hide these real easily about the place. You could even send them to that pie shop in London that used to be a Barbers.  Now that you've hidden them, what are you going to do next? Absolutely Nothing? Or are you going to go kill more people? A. Go Kill More People. Blood. Blood for The Blood God. Skulls For The Skull Throne. B. Stand Still Until Your Body Decays of Starvation and lack of Water

 "Alright." Jack says. "Now that Yvonne's out of the picture, let's look into the bombings being caused by Red Doors right now."  "Aren't you working with those guys?" Orr asks, confused. Jack makes a face. "Sort of?"  "Could you... just tell them to not? Kill civilians?" Orr asks.  "Wow, I hadn't thought of that!" Jack exclaims.  CONGRATULATIONS! You have singlehandedly ended Racism! This seems like a pretty great outcome!  But like, if you're, um, terrible, or something, you could  Try for a different ending.

 You follow Yvonne, who's walking out of the building to her car. "Didn't you tell me to piss off?" Yvonne remarks.  "Yes," you respond, bashing her head into the sidewalk in broad daylight. Yvonne whimpers out. "There's a...red doors...operative...in my car's trunk..."  She dies. Whoopee, you've inacted your life long fantasy of killing Yvonne Hartman. Of course, there are plenty of other people you can kill.  But what about that operative?  A. Check Yvonne's Trunk for The Red Doors Operative B. Go Back Inside and Murder Orr and Colchester

 "Thank you. Getting in charge was easier than I would have thought. Thank you, rational people." Yvonne says, while you all drag Jack into the cell and shove him in there. "Now, I have a mission for all of you. I've gotten reports of bombings across the city. I'd like you all to investigate whatever the most recent one is."  "Oh my god." Colchester says. He's evidently seen the most recent bombing on the news on his computer. He shows you, Orr and Yvonne. "There's been an explosion at town hall." He grunts, angrily. "Hundreds of innocent lives are in critical. 14 are dead. And Tyler Steele and Ro-Jedda seem to be just fine on the top of it all." "That seems pretty bad. Like it, urgently deserves our attention." Orr remarks.  "We should interrogate Jack. If Red Doors are behind this, he'll know something." Colchester responds.  Make Your Choice A. Investigate City Hall Bombings B. Interrogate Jack

 Yvonne remains silent while being placed in the cell, as if this was part of her plan all along.  "Thanks for trusting me. Whatever's going on right now with the bombings, it's definitely Yvonne's fault." Jack says.  "Bombings?"  "Red doors have commited several bombings recently on civilian targets." Jack says.  "Oh my god." Colchester says. He's evidently seen the most recent bombing on the news on his computer. He shows you, Orr and Jack.  "There's been an explosion at town hall." He grunts, angrily. "Hundreds of innocent lives are in critical. 14 are dead. And Tyler Steele and Ro-Jedda seem to be just fine on the top of it all."  "That seems pretty bad. Like it, urgently deserves our attention." Orr remarks.  "No. The real threat is Yvonne Hartman!" Jack insists. He points at the CCTV of the cell where Yvonne sits. "She's sitting there! Ominously!"  Yvonne is indeed si

 "No." You say. "We've stuck by Jack, and we'll always stick by him. He's the leader of Torchwood, and even if he's all mysterious and whatnot, he's a good guy. I'm certain this Red Doors stuff is all about some cool defeat racism plan or something."  Colchester and Orr shrug. "Or it could just, not be that." Colchester remarks.  Yvonne Hartman steps out of the shadows. "Hello. I'm Yvonne Hartman. Torchwood needs some new blood, and I'm the girl it needs. For Queen and Country, I-" "Piss off!" You yell.  Yvonne pouts and slinks off.  A. Get back onto whatever thing you're doing with Jack in charge B. Follow Yvonne and violently murder her

 Yvonne Hartman steps out of the shadows.  "Jack Harkness, I am Yvonne Hartman. and it's time for Torchwood to have some new blood." Yvonne says.  "Wait, what? She's dead! She's supposed to be dead!" Jack yelled.  Colchester shrugs.  "She's evil! She's a madwoman! You have to lock her up right now or you'll destroy Torchwood!" Jack screams.  A. Throw Yvonne in a Cell  B. Throw Jack in a Cell 

 You get out of your car and walk into the Hub. Inside, Jack is standing dumbfounded and Colchester and Orr are screaming at him. "You joined Red Doors! They're racist terrorists!" Screams Colchester.  "Yeah, what the fuck, man!" Says Orr, who for some reason looks and sounds like Samuel L Jackson. Evidently someone in the room is attracted to him.  "Guys, Guys, I can explain!" Says Jack, not explaining.  "What's going on here," you ask.  "Jack was handing out weapons to the protesters yesterday!" Orr yells. "He's been supporting Red Doors this entire time!"  "What, is this true?"  "Completely," Colchester confirms. "Well, what are you gonna do about it?" Jack says snootily. "Fire me?"  Make A Choice A. Reveal Yvonne Hartman from the Shadows and have her replace Jack as the current leader of Torchwood.  B. Nah, keep terrorist man in charge

 Your car, as prophesized, slams into a building and explodes, running Ro-Jedda over, which results in her becoming green paste on the sidewalk. Your car explodes, vaporizing your body on impact and destroying half the city block. The Pizzaria nearby explodes. Glass is everywhere, puncturing several other tires of cars, which slam into eachother, causing a big pile up of cars, which all explode as well, creating a big gaping hole in the middle of the road. No one in the intersection survives. CONGRATULATIONS! You have saved Cardiff from Aliens!  You are also Dead, and have murdered about a hundred innocent people! Start Over for A better ending, unless this is literally exactly what you were going for

 You get out of bed and put your clothes on. Or you could stay in your pajamas, it won't effect the narrative, but nonetheless, you tell Rhys goodbye, and get into your car and drive to work.  On your way there, mayor of Cardiff, Ro-Jedda, is crossing the road.  A. Continue on Your Way B. Run Ro-Jedda Over, slamming your car into a nearby building and having it explode 

 You sleep so hard you get internal hemmoraging and bleed out. I told you. I told you!  You're dead now.  On the plus side, you get to sleep forever. The End  Go Back To The Start and for the love of god do something productive. 

 You go back to sleep again. Okay, I'm giving you one more chance here.  A. Wake Up B. Go Back To Sleep Again, Again 

 You wake up. You're late for work.  A. Go To Work B. Go Back To Sleep Again

 what?  really? You close your eyes and go back to sleep.  A. Wake Up

 Wait. Why is this an option? I don't want to write this. Okay, then. Fine. I see you're going for the true Torchwood experience.  Go look up something smutty on fanfiction.net and substitute every name with Rhys to get the desired effect.  Rhys collapses back onto the bed exhausted. "Thanks, love." he comments.  Okay. Lovely. I do hope this isn't some kind of indication to a pattern of whatever you're doing.  Fine. Fine, fine. Whatever.  A. Go To Work B. Go back to Bed

 Wait. You're really doing this? Already? Wait, wow, you're wasting no time at this. Okay, so, um. Yeah. You suddenly turn and throttle Rhys, and stab him in the neck with a hairpin. He's dead now. You just, um, killed him. Like that. For no reason. Golly, I do understand this is your story you're telling, but have you considered therapy instead of murdering fictional characters?  Oh, well. I suppose you have more choices to make.  The Next Choice: A. Dispose of The Body B. Go Directly to The Police Station and Turn Yourself In C. Go into Torchwood

Hello There! Welcome to the Choose Your Own Torchwood Experience! Be forewarned, this probably requires knowledge of Aliens Among Us 1-3, and spoilers exist throughout. I have not done God Among Us yet, so there are none of those. This story takes place during the episode Poker Face, but it is slightly altered to fit the starting narrative, your choices will radically alter the narrative of Torchwood from then on.  There are Aliens Among Us! Gwen Cooper has been possessed, but not by Ng this time!  YOU  are in control of Gwen's actions!  Take Control of Gwen, and do whatever the hell you want in the ideal Torchwood experience! Have graphic adult scenes with the entire cast! Murder them! Follow the plot like an ordinary person! Stand still into you die of old age! Your choices are numerous!  The Story Begins...Now... Ng suddenly begins to die horribly. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH" They say, fading into nothing, as you enter the mind and take control of Gwen Cooper,